Madness of a Dragon

I am having a truly rough time today. My P.T.S.D. is probably flaring up a bit. I have experienced a few rather severe panic attacks today. I am very stressed out right now. I am rather upset that my phone company sold my information. Now my phone number and name are published. I didn't realize you have to tell them you want that private. Since when did people become a commodity? my information was given out.

Why am I so upset? because I was an instrumental element in putting a couple of people in prison. I have had my life threatened. Now my name and phone number are public. This in turn can be tracked down to an address. I'm not feeling to safe at the moment that is for sure.

Last year I was falsely arrested for a crime I wasn't responsible for. My ex got physically violent with me. I fought back for once rather than defending myself as I usually did. They locked me up in jail for three days. Took all my clothes from me. the conditions of the jail was far less than sanitary. body excretions on the walls. I ended up in therapy for this mad experience. I never went before a judge either. but yet my name and address now shows up on a state website.

I am currently working on a plan to move away from here. Where I will move to I am not sure. What I do know is this. There are far to many variables stacked against me in my current location. I'll probably have to stay relatively close to where I am now. Currently I have litigation's with the Veteran's Administration for Service Connected Disability. I have physical injuries. In addition to my injuries, I reacted to smallpox vaccine in boot camp. I immediately came down with severe flu symptoms. I have been sick to this day. Just this year I was diagnosed with p.t.s.d. I didn't even know what it was. but when tested they knew it for sure.

I am in therapy at Veteran's Hospital in madison. I do have to say it is ok as far as hospitals go. I feel like a child sometimes with the way some of them treat me. But for the most part I do get some level of respect. Right now my meds are off baseline. I have been taking half a pill of a medication. so that I can get off it in another week. This was ordered by the doctor by the way. They also ordered another med for me to be on. It took me a week and a half to finally get the medication. I just took it about an hour ago. This med takes time to establish itself. I do have group tomorrow, so I'll be ok. Then on monday I have another group too.

I just needed to express some of the crap thats going on. I'm fairly frustrated and I know I'm not on a baseline yet. Doesn't make the panic attacks or anxiety any less severe. My Jaw is so tight right now that I can barely think. I saw a rheumatologist today for pain management. on a scale of 1 to 10. 10 being most severe. I am at a 7-9 on any given day. The pain never goes away. It has been this way since 1982.

thanks for listening