Greetings

Last night my Interfaith church held Kirtan Circle. I have to tell you this experience was a huge blessing and confirmation. I had never heard of Kirtan, or at least had no understanding of what it is. I'm still learning what is involved. I can tell you that Spirit was definitely there. The power that resonated from all of us, and through us was very energetic.

Later at my home. A couple of acquaintances dropped in. The could feel the power radiating from me. The energy definitely increased my aura's projection. I was confident and bold. Feeling centered and full of the light of love.

I know things happen for a reason. I felt led to this particular meeting. I played my guitar along with another. a young sister was on base. Her father was playing percussion. I'm not sure what the musical instrument another guy had. but it made some rather intense sounds. It basically was an small piano instrument. It had knobs that you pulled for different pitches. on the back it had a fan that he pushed and pulled. All while playing the keys on the instrument. Very unique indeed. There were a handful of other folk present. Some just chanted the various chants. These being very ancient mantras for oneness with divinity. Others played various percussion instruments.

The whole experience was intense. At one point I was given the opportunity to do a  different style. My chant is more native American sounding. None the less the facilitator heard and felt it. He was able to take the energy through me. Then spread it out through the circle present. very cool indeed.

This experience helped me. I will be able to walk into church Sunday morning with confidence. It is my debut performance for special music. I will be doing two songs in the first service and three songs in the second service. I am so looking forward to being spirits vessel tomorrow. I truly feel that some powerful things will happen in me. This is a life changing event for me. I am ready.

Wow what a powerful night. I look forward to the next one in four weeks.

Peace and Blessings
Red Dragon

This day is a day for me to remember some really incredible people I have known. They were cut down in the prime of their lives. The dreams that they were achieving and becoming was powerful. So many beautiful people who have died because of a modern day plague.

I long for the day when hiv/aids is no longer considered a threat to humanity. This war on the human species is not as far ahead as it should be. There are still people suffering physically because of this serious illness.

I am very grateful for the tremendous discoveries in this particular field. Today hiv/aids is not necessarily a death sentence. The medications that are available have come a long way. I am sure an hiv/aids patient could tell you a lot more about this topic than I could ever hope to do.

So today I honor all the fallen souls who died because of this disease. I lift those living with the infection up in my prayers and meditations. I give freely to those who live with those who have died or are living with the disease. 

I pray and hope for a cure. I long and wish for preventative medicines. I hope there comes a day, where we no longer have a world aids day.

Yesterday we had our first snowstorm. It lasted throughout the night. But yesterday afternoon the senior minister's wife called. She said that there was a very good chance that services might get canceled. Booooo! LOL

I was so well rehearsed and ready to play. So I prayed about it. I asked that the storm would let off enough for folk to get to church and home. Now I'm not going to tell you I am a prophet. This was something any other person would do. Spirit answers prayer.

I woke up before the alarm did. I was already up for a good hour or so. Then I got out of bed and set the coffee pot on. went and took care of my hygiene needs. came out of the shower dressed and went into prayer. Today was to be my debut performance at our services.

Then I put my things together. I had my guitar and my satchel. Then shortly after 7am the doorbell rang. It was my ride for church. I hadn't received a call that church was canceled. So I made absolutely sure that I would be ready. should my ride show up at the door. sure enough she was there.

When we arrived at our interfaith church, the parking lot had not been plowed yet. Not even ten minutes later the plow showed up. I went into the sanctuary to warm my guitar up. Then did some vocal warm ups. prepared myself by centering myself in prayer/meditation. I tuned my guitar. Then my ride brought me some water. Perfect!

For the 8:30 services, I am not sure that there was even twenty people present. I played two songs during that service. An original piece that I wrote a few weeks ago. It is called Peace be still. I told this service that I was looking to change my name. I also mentioned  my favorite bible verse Zechariah 9:12 "turn to the stronghold prisoner of hope, for even today will I give you double." You can find peace be still in my earlier blog entries. There is a video there too. I also performed a song I transposed. It was originally a blue grass gospel band. They were called the McKamey's. The song was G*d on the mountain.

Then after services I took a few minutes to freshen up before the 10:30 services. During this service I was able to do three songs total. First the before mentioned songs. Then I Did "glory glory" for my finale. It was a hit because everyone was singing right along with me.

I could tell that my loud boomy voice was reaching people. After service I had many tell me that  they were amazed at my voice. I was grateful and very honored to have been able to do this for them.  It was a little overwhelming at times. I endure P.T.S.D. , this was an important step for me. To sit on a stool before a large group and play from my soul.

After services I was flooded with praise from various members. One member mentioned that he thought I was the epitome of hope. I started crying, I was humbled. I thanked him so much. Come to think of it I teared up a few times before and during my songs. I am grateful that I can experience the pure peace of Spirit. Never being ashamed of that power and holiness that flooded over me. I am not Holy by myself, but it is that which is in me that is bigger...

I am so incredibly happy right now. I was at a friends house a little bit later on in the day. I started cracking up and laughing. I couldn't contain myself. The power of peace was there in me. I've been through some rough times of late. I am so glad that I was not without hope during my times of crisis. I am quite sure I would not be here writing this blog to you. A year ago I planned on taking my life. But spirit told me no. I have a greater purpose for you. So I went and got the professional medical help needed.

Then went for the spiritual help too. It was during this spiritual help experience that I now can honestly say. I feel like I have come in out of the cold. the harsh mistress of the world. A world of chaos in my cosmic dance. It spiraled my depression and I became quit ill. Today I am much better, I have been slowly building up to all of this. To finally achieve my purpose in life. To play music for others and invoke hope and peace, faith and Love. These are the key missing ingredients to all the hype that we are inundated with daily. That deep within ourselves. In the silence, there is peace.

Is Spirit done with me? Of course not, I am well aware that Spirit has a lot of work to do in me. But it is one heck of a nice first step. This whole experience has given me a new vision. I am going to be more dedicated than before on producing a cd/dvd I have enough songs to do two separate themes. One deeply spiritual. The other spiritual, but more of a secular writing style. I think they compliment each other well.

I apologize for the long winded length of this particular entry. But I had so much to say in one breath! Breath red dragon, breath....

My purpose for over twenty years now has been to be a servant of heaven and earth. I have always known this. Even as a small boy in a home that was purely hedonistic. what I mean by this is. My childhood was consumed with sensationalism.  "whatever felt good" seemed to be the consensus of the seventies. Even during all that, I talked to Spirit. Spirit comforted me during my times of being abused.

My studies have taken me on some amazing journeys. I also know that this is a continuous cycle. I understand now more than anything else. Suffering, anger and strife. I had to experience these situations. so that when I sing about them. I can speak and sing with authority on the topics. A year ago I would not have told you I was blessed. I thought that life sucked. That mankind was an awful institution of pain and malice. I no longer feel this way. I have since learned that the actions of an individual is evil. I no longer feel that people in general are evil. I came to the conclusion that mankind was on an awful course of action. Then I discovered that there were deeply religious and spiritual people.

I was a solitary for years. I considered organized religion to be detrimental to growth. My experience was with fundamentalism. So I assumed that they all had strains of fundamental beliefs within them. I have since learned that that was a narrow view of belief.

I am also going to go back to my book I was writing. This is a work that needs to be completed. In it are many hidden and obscure biblical doctrines. To include the sexuality of mankind. So often society and religion have destroyed those whose orientation is LGBT. It is time to complete the work. To date there is approximately thirty thousand words. Covering faith, hope and love. I show examples of same sex relationships in the biblical context. As well as expose the mistranslated Levitican concept that bans same sex activities. I have found in the root words of that passage. that it says quite another thing than the English translation.

quite simply it is this. The English translation: "you shall not lay with a man as you would with a woman, it is an abomination." The Hebrew implies that Leviticus is for the priests of the Jews. The common Hebrews did not practice the Levitican codes. The common believers followed the book of Deuteronomy for direction. which repeats Leviticus almost word for word. The difference? That particular Levitican principle is dropped. Why? because it was for the priests who were involved with the rituals of the temple. A common practice for that time period was sex slaves. Temples of other beliefs and religions used male and female sex slaves for the benefit of the temple. The Levitican scripture is basically telling the Levitican priests. Don't practice this form of funding. It is an abomination. The word abomination is also interesting. It is mostly connected with rituals and utensils or garb for the holiness of Israel. It is rarely used outside of religious rituals, other than having an idol in the home.

Those are just some of the concepts I have written about. I plan on writing possibly in another book about my life story. I also plan on writing about various articles. Such as faith, hope and love. These are all very important. In addition simple living. Also the importance of religious individuals learning to vote for the good of all. Rather than a candidate that supports their individual agendas. It is time that religious and spiritual peoples. Stopped getting locked into rigid doctrine. laws that come to pass that are fueled by a minority. creates a lot of apathy and dissatisfaction in government.

So I am going to start working on raising the funds needed. Then self publish my book. I Think it is needed very much. In addition I think it is time to record, and publish my first CD/DVD. I am going to get going on weaving my peace baskets for the cause. In addition to that I am going to look into transferring some of my carvings and paintings to electronic image. Then use them for card covers. I'll need to get going on an actual website for my projects too. connected to a paypal account. It would have to have the ability to accept credit card purchases too.

If you feel so moved. I am looking for sponsors. This is not a plea for monetary values. Perhaps you would love to support me with prayer and meditations? That in my mind would far outweigh money. Perhaps you have skills that can advice me on how to achieve my goals? Eventually I hope to have a core circle that would help keep me in check. I think that often Ministers fall. because they loose sight of the important things. It is my sincere desire to have a teachable spirit. I may not always agree with what someone says too! But I pray for the discernment to know the difference. I long to be "above reproach." Living my life as an example. leaving behind those things that would cause another to fall. I probably will meet a few people at my church that would be interested.

I suppose the fact that you have read this. It is support in itself.
thank you

peace and blessings
Red Dragon

I recall back in the early 90s a discussion on the evening news concerning peace talks. It was between the Palestinians and the Israelis. I was with a Jewish friend of mine who was a U.S. Citizen. She had spent some time living in Israel. The question was simple. Is that possible? Peace in the Middle East.

My friend helped me to understand some things about fundamentalism. She said that when she was there. the average Jew and Palestinian. Hang out at the same coffee shops, and various venues. She said for the most part they live in harmony. She went on to explain that the common people were not at war. It was the extreme factions who had fundamentalist views. that created both the friction and war. The average person in those regions. Would rather that the fighting go away.

I was grateful for her opinion on this. It made a lot of sense too. I get very tired of American's who rely on the media machine. To spew out propaganda that is fairly inaccurate at times. yes there are factions on both sides that are extreme. Fundamentalism of any kind is a dangerous rigid path. Even thinking that every Jew or Palestinian are at war. That is a form of fundamentalism.

This entry is the result of a pod entry. that asked how zaadzters deal with disagreement. Someone got on the tangent that both sides are at war. this is not true. It is extreme factions of those core values that have programed things to happen. I am sad that we still have this form of rigid thinking around. It is the greatest cause of war. Spin Doctors manipulating others to believe things that are not true.

The image above is a representation of some posters on zaadz. This is what happens when dogma says your way is wrong.

Recently there was a post in a pod it said "calling all mystics." The title intrigued me, so I went to read the various posts. At the time I hadn't picked up on it. This post was more of a clever little advertisement for a group on msn groups. The person posting decided to tell other mystics that they must do something. A dangerous path to take.

Initially I responded to this post. I shared some of the powerful aspects of spirit. The reality of things that go beyond head knowledge. Philosophy, and Theology are nice. Most often those systems stomp out the creative aspects of G-d. This frustrates me a lot. Often people think of G-d in the black and white world that they project. G-d in my opinion is not left or right brained. If we are in the image of spirit. Then I think that spirit definitely has the same duality of the logic and creative. If this didn't happen I doubt the big bang would have ever happened. Spirit would have never said "let there be light."

The thread I speak of at first glance. Represented mystics and their experience. After Someone thanked me for my entry on that thread. I followed the link and read some of the posts. I am amazed how many people expect others to adapt their philosophy. This is just wrong and dangerous in my opinion. Rather than speaking of their own mystical experiences. Some rigid religious doctrine was inserted. Telling people what they need to do or believe. Even the initial poster of this thread gave orders on how to be a mystic.

Mankind is connected better than ever before. News travels in minutes rather than days or months. One can talk to a relative on the other side of the globe while both are in a park. But we still can't come together and meet in the middle. We don't have to all think alike. That is fundamentalism. A draconian form of thinking that many Americans pretend to not be a part of. I speak for Americans because I am not intensely familiar with other nations.

I rarely tell others "you must do this." It is an arrogant position to take. to decide what is best for other peoples paths. Zaadz message is "out to change the world." I fear even this motto. I do understand what Brian and fellow zaadzters meant by this. The problem is it in itself could become a rigid form of thinking. Telling others how to change the world. Rather than inspiring one another how to make their communities better.

This is why I am single today. Every time I try to date someone. They want to control my mind and spirit. Telling me how to think. Rather than just coexisting and appreciating each other. Just two days ago I was in a chat room. A guy sent me a private instant message. I gave him my links for my music. He immediately started telling me how he could make it better. He had no music experience. Did not perform in public. Never took the time to learn an instrument. I doubt he even would have had the stamina to rehearse daily. Yet  he still thought himself an expert on the topic.

A person with no experience, has no right to tell another. That what they are doing is wrong. That those feelings and experiences are rooted in devils and hell. These same people generally follow the teachings of Jesus. Problem is, they haven't taken the time to look at the gospels. To see that he both was mystical, and told others they could be as well. If Jesus were around today teaching such things. Those who claim to be followers, would have hung him instantly. These types destroy others spiritually. Jesus had to make a bunch of holy believers to leave the room. They didn't want to believe that he had the ability to do a miracle. I find that odd. That A Christian, which means to be Christ like. Doesn't believe in the awesome power of Spirit. G-d can do anything with anyone. So Please get off your high horse and let spirit work in others. Leave them alone, you won't have so many arteries blocking up inside your body.

It happens spiritually in conversation. you mention something that happened in spirit. Then that person craps in your ear, telling you it wasn't real. Just because they never experienced it with G-d. This modern dogma is the downfall of man. When will we learn that this is why war exists? Could this be a major reason that we are in the middle east right now? Forcing our ideals on another nation or sovereign country? No matter how you look at it. we have implemented a modern Coup on  them for our own selfish interests. That is the problem with folk who want to make others believe their way. Self centered narcissistic high chair tyrant believers end up attacking others.

I've witnessed some of the more subtle approaches too. Recently I spoke of some of the variables between Israelis and Palestinians. A poster responded with her political beliefs. Rather than what I was speaking about. That the average Israeli and Palestinian wasn't at war with each other. It was based on a friend's opinion after she lived there. I doubt the responder was ever in the middle east. But seemed to be an expert on the topic. I had to remove the comment. It was more a political statement than an thoughtful response.

I've noticed this trend. People posting their opinions on what others are saying. Generally ignoring the questions or expressing how they are. Instead they would rather tell another how wrong they are. Welcome to your war. Go ahead and destroy each other. But please, don't ask how we got to that destruction.

I am having a truly rough time today. My P.T.S.D. is probably flaring up a bit. I have experienced a few rather severe panic attacks today. I am very stressed out right now. I am rather upset that my phone company sold my information. Now my phone number and name are published. I didn't realize you have to tell them you want that private. Since when did people become a commodity? my information was given out.

Why am I so upset? because I was an instrumental element in putting a couple of people in prison. I have had my life threatened. Now my name and phone number are public. This in turn can be tracked down to an address. I'm not feeling to safe at the moment that is for sure.

Last year I was falsely arrested for a crime I wasn't responsible for. My ex got physically violent with me. I fought back for once rather than defending myself as I usually did. They locked me up in jail for three days. Took all my clothes from me. the conditions of the jail was far less than sanitary. body excretions on the walls. I ended up in therapy for this mad experience. I never went before a judge either. but yet my name and address now shows up on a state website.

I am currently working on a plan to move away from here. Where I will move to I am not sure. What I do know is this. There are far to many variables stacked against me in my current location. I'll probably have to stay relatively close to where I am now. Currently I have litigation's with the Veteran's Administration for Service Connected Disability. I have physical injuries. In addition to my injuries, I reacted to smallpox vaccine in boot camp. I immediately came down with severe flu symptoms. I have been sick to this day. Just this year I was diagnosed with p.t.s.d. I didn't even know what it was. but when tested they knew it for sure.

I am in therapy at Veteran's Hospital in madison. I do have to say it is ok as far as hospitals go. I feel like a child sometimes with the way some of them treat me. But for the most part I do get some level of respect. Right now my meds are off baseline. I have been taking half a pill of a medication. so that I can get off it in another week. This was ordered by the doctor by the way. They also ordered another med for me to be on. It took me a week and a half to finally get the medication. I just took it about an hour ago. This med takes time to establish itself. I do have group tomorrow, so I'll be ok. Then on monday I have another group too.

I just needed to express some of the crap thats going on. I'm fairly frustrated and I know I'm not on a baseline yet. Doesn't make the panic attacks or anxiety any less severe. My Jaw is so tight right now that I can barely think. I saw a rheumatologist today for pain management. on a scale of 1 to 10. 10 being most severe. I am at a 7-9 on any given day. The pain never goes away. It has been this way since 1982.

thanks for listening

I have been on my new medications now for a few days. Things are definitely getting better. I'm not so out of control anymore. I know that I am nowhere near a sold baseline yet. But I am also realizing that I feel much better than only a few days ago.

I am thinking about researching getting a certified service dog. I have some difficulties with mobility and think that a well trained dog could help me. The biggest thing is I think with a dog around my ptsd symptoms might be less severe. I can rely on the dog rather than be hyper vigilant.

Besides when people see you with a dog. They generally leave you alone. I'm not sure the steps to take on this. It would be for more than just the physical help. I've put two dogs down in the last few years. I also had to give my last one up because he wasn't certified. I really think this adds a lot to my depression.