Last Saturday night I had an interesting experience. It was called "Earth Charter Celebration," I must admit I never had heard of this before. There was a lot of energy going on when I first arrived. Below is the link for a more detailed article I wrote on the event.

This was quite an unusual experience for me. I felt many emotions throughout the service. Lamentations to joy, and peace. I had the most difficult time getting to sleep afterwords. My friend who had taken me, mentioned that most of the people were dancing. I was not, so I was more of a receptor of the energy. I wasn't releasing it back into the room. So when I was in my bed it had felt like I was on a total sugar high.

In hindsight, I wish I had filmed some of it.

Recently A song idea came to me. One thing i've noticed in my life. This is a worship song, but it is also a lamentation song.

I am unsure of what the chords are, I call the first G "cowboy G." This is the G chord, but you put last two fingers on the B & E Strings, rather than just the high E. The second chord in the second line is a variant of C. I call it "cowboy c," which basically is the cowboy g, but the index and middle finger are moved down one string.   the C chord after CM is CM with  the pinky finger on the low E string. In the third fret.

I have not found the rest of the song yet. It is really fresh and new. I am considering working in to it somewhere lines like "how can someone in the image of G*d, do such things?"

The song is about forgiveness, when one hasn't the tools to forgive. I had forgiven seventy times seven. my former partners could never forgive. finally one day I could not suffer the abuse any longer. So I am trying nearly a year later to find peace and forgiveness for tolerating being taken advantage of. Yet during all of this, Spirit never abandaned me, I always felt the presense. No one can take that from me.

This Mask took about 70 hours log time. It was carved from a 2" x 6" x 25" Pine Board. I had the idea for the black background from the movie 'Young Guns' when the native American painted himself.

I find that many people in this world wear masks. Funny thing is they actually believe that they have fooled people. Pretending to be someone they are not. These individuals live this way because of fear. I think that fear is the reason that many mean spirited individuals project their anger. These have so many fears that they can't obtain their goals. They have gifts inside that are forgotten. The core values are often compromised and they can consume people like fire in the woods.

This last year, I've been learning to control information. Others around me are not so deserving of what is going on in my life. They wear masks and pretend to be an image that doesn't add up. It is almost like so many of the worlds citizens are at a masquerade. Bowing to one another, but hating being courteous.

It is almost my one year anniversary. I ended a really bad relationship with two people. I was never safe in my own home. Daily my soul was berated. I never could be approved of these two people who I loved very much. I came close to killing myself when I was falsly accused and arrested. The violence would escalate over time. I will never compromise my beliefs for another again.  No man, Woman or child will stop me from achieving the goals for ministry.

In the relationship I wasn't allowed my spirituality. They however were allowed to explore anything they wished. The icon represents that I am and always was a spiritual being. The heart pendent is for love, even if I cry. There are tears coming off of my face.  I was very depressed for a really long time. I became fragmented and lost.

The ball and chains are broken links to my x.x's. The Cardinal Red is for my Zodiac Sign Leo. The blackbirds flying away are inspired by the story Pandora's box. Recently a friend told me I she can fell that I am much different. She said that last year I was very defeated. That was me, I still have a huge hole in my chest. It hurts every day. I am doing my best to overcome this pain. It is no easy task. I've been in a couple of groups at the Veteran's Hospital.

The eye of Rah is overlooking everything. off to the right in the bottom corner. The black abyss sits. A space of darkness. There are flowers growing to encourage life in the sadness. I am standing on a road made of gold. The tree represents the Kabbalaist tree of life. It also is from the psalmists words in psalm 1.

The carving to the left took around 45 hours. The dimensions for this piece is approximately one foot wide. When I am carving there are some fairly powerful meditations that can take place.

Recently in Sunday Services at my local interfaith church. The Senior Minister spoke about the fifth chakra. He was quoting Mathew Fox. The message was that when the fith chakra is out of wack. People become unbalanced. He goes on to mention several ways to put the fifth chakra back into alignment.

He went on to say that through the art of singing. One can give themselves a spiritual workout. This is a vibration that puts those pieces back together.  The Sermon also mentioned that painting, or sculpting are other forms of this exercise. I am reminding that many teachers of many paths. Claim that verbal prayers and meditations are more powerful than ones held within.

I must admit I am not familiar with the eastern systems. I do know from my own experience that when I sing. Their is a marriage between spirit, soul, and flesh. I can feel things being put back in order when I am singing. I have used many styles of phrasing for vibrating the previously mentioned into place.

I was a little bit upset because I do sing, paint and sculpture. I didn't feel like I was better than I was a year ago. But my friend who drove me to services talked about some things. She mentioned that a year ago my spirit was defeated. It showed quite a bit. She said today, she senses someone a lot more calm and centered. I thanked her and admitted I am my own worst critic.

I use to get so mad when people would say get over it, but never offer me any solutions. How does one get over it? I am learning it isn't such a huge release. It appears to be more of a process than an object. Over time I imagine, I'll say to my self, when did I learn to forgive. It will have happened when I least expect it.

I've mentioned masks in a previous post. After meditating on the above topic the last couple of days. I am leaning towards the reasons for fragmentation. People are not active in their spiritual life. One theme that I tell folk in times of trouble, increase your faith. I've only known a handful to actually take that advice. But I'm often the recipient of gratitude verbally years after the event. Masks are the result of fragmented souls. People who have not learned to align their fifth chakra. It is the end result of avoiding our center.

In the Gospels Jesus woke his disciples up three times in the night. Asking them why they were asleep? the hour of heaven was at hand. watch lest you loose your soul. Be mindful of the things of the world around you. Don't get so caught up in things that you sleep when you should be meditating or in prayer.

The focus of services for the fall have been on needs rather than desire. We are hit with so many advertisements in all the medias. The reoccurring message is that you won't be happy until you get this or that. Truth and happiness come from within. I myself have deleted fox from my television set. I don't have cable television. I refuse to pay for all of those commercials.

I just had a funny image pop into my head. Robbin Williams use to have a television show called Mork from Ork. In it he takes an egg and throws it in the air. He shouts "fly be free!." He arrived on earth in an egg, so he assumed that the egg did the same. Isn't it funny how we can have such a narrow view of the world. All based on our own life experiences?

These drums to the left took a very long time to make. They are white ash. They are approximately three feet across. I still haven't finished these. I believe it took me about six months to get completely hollow. I need to locate the right skins for the heads. I have not found them yet. I should probably start the hunt for the right product to put on them. I am sure that they would be very loud and full of bass. I can't stress, Practice.. Practice... Practice!

Drums are awesome for tuning into spiritual things. A good percussionist can make an event sound incredible. If there is someone who is not drumming with a heartbeat. The entire event can cascade into chaos. Drum Rhythm that mimics heart beats are more natural and free flowing. performing irregular patterns, is not natural. This can throw people off and have their beats and measures become a cacophony of noise rather than a unit of measure.

I've been to some really intense and cool drum circles. yes, I've been to some real belly floppers too. The key is the breath of life. Playing a musical instrument in harmony with others. Creates a huge sense of connection with others. Natural sitting and standing positions increase abilities. slumping over will make a sloppy musician with limited skills. Sitting upright is good for steady circular breathing.

In real time, that is my world. There are people I know who claim to be great Musicians. At least that is the projection that comes along with it. These tend to be lacking in Communication skills. I won't play with a Musician who walks all over me in a conversation. He/she will merely repeat the process and play notes and chords that are in discord with the piece. I tend to shy away from these types. It has been my experience that they are quite narcissistic and muck it up.

This song was written and dedicated to my mentor. He was a really cool guy. I'm not sure if he knows just how much of an impact on my life he had.  It is really sad that his marriage ended. But it wasn't his fault, his wife was selfish. She messed around on him. It broke his heart. He really loved his wife, she wanted more.

I always felt he was wise beyond his years. His greatest shortcoming is his compassion. Even after his wife was messing around. He wanted to get past it and be with her.

The Calumet Pipe to the left is purely a ritual piece. I don't smoke tobacco in it. The hours logged in making this item was around twenty-five. I chose to use the colors that represent the four elements.  It is  around three feet long.

Red/Fire Yellow/Air Blue/Water Black/Earth

The red, yellow, blue and black. is made up of a three strand rope that I weaved. This was what I used to seal up any leaks around the shaft and bowl, they are glued down to the surface of the pipe.

There is wood glue holding the two half's of the main section. Which is how I hallowed out the piece. first splitting it down its center. then removing the inside.

The white is some donated rabbit fur. The brown around the base of the bowl is donated Mink. I would have never gone out to purchase these items.

I have heard many times that Native Americans use to smoke Cannabis in Calumets. I myself do not believe that this was done. It is a Chinese Herb in origin. Just like Alcohol, it came to the "new world" with the white man.

Tobacco was used because it is indigenous to North America. The version of the pipe most common to those outside the tribes. Is the Sioux or plains Indians. The Pipestone often used in the manufacturing of these items. Is black Pipestone common to the Minnesota regions. Trade was common across the states. So many tribes had access to this product.

Calumet Pipes were common during religious and spiritual rituals. They were also used during peace talks with other tribes. I suspect this is where the saying "peace pipe" came from.

I strongly encourage anyone with more knowledge to comment on this thread. I must admit I see through a dark glass. I was not raised on a reservation or with Native American traditions. So I only know of the things I have heard or read.

The piece to the left has been a work in progress. It had a painting on it before by another artist. There were three androgynous beings on it. I found it Ironic of my past. So I painted this over them. The Painting sat in my studio for months, with just the tower on it.

The mountains are strong and stable. They represent the three supernal spheres of the Kabbalist Etz Ha Chiam. Kether, the crown, Chokmah the father, Binah mother. Etz Ha Chiam means "tree of life," Kabbalah means tradition. So it is the tradition of the tree of life.

The title for the piece is Strength and Honor. The mountains are protecting the valley from perilous times. within the lush valley is the tower. It is the refuge and safety of Spirit.  The tributaries are supplying the valley from the great mother. she is the most physical and tangible of the supernals.

the Father is more of an idealist, This energy is primarily concerned with thought. The process of filtering all the noise. The image for this sphere interesting enough is the wheel of the zodiac. When one can traverse through the entire zodiac without being its victim. Then they have found the first light on the journey.

The Painting is a work in progress. I was anxious to share it, part of me wanted to wait until it was finished. But then I realized if I waited I would be creating anxiety. So here it is. when it is finished I'll do another blog entry.

The Painting is 3 foot across. The fabric is a blanket that was secured on the backside. I used my own variation of gesso. Kilz is very toxic. I wouldn't recommend using it. It was only used because I had a half gallon of it sitting around. This is a solar eclipse, called Black Sunday.

A year ago the Sunday before thanksgiving. I was falsely accused and arrested. Because of my nightmare of three days in a cell with no clothes on. I pretty much died that day. The revelation of all the lies and games that were played came to pass. I knew I was being completely taken advantage of.

It was time to cut the cords that bound me. When love becomes a dependent rather than an asset. It is pretty much time to move on. This was my "bottom" as they call it in the AODA programs.

I had decided a year ago that I would work on my physical, mental, and spiritual well being. Health has been my meditation and contemplation. I'm still in the process of discovering what that is. What I do know is, I don't need anyone to help me get there. It is within that I learn. No man woman or child can show me my truth. it is there for me to reveal to myself.

This journey has been a most difficult one. At times I feel like a failure. Then I am reminded by others around me that I am better off than most. I do have a relationship with the Divine. It is there when I am alone, and when I am involved with others. I will never allow anyone to take that blessing away from me. The knowledge that divinity is always present in my life.

Whenever I find that there are difficult times with others around me. I turn to the Psalms for inspiration and hope. They have gotten me through the hardest times.

Happy is the person who avoids the counsel of the wicked. They are like a strong tree planted next to the waters edge. Whatever he touches shall prosper and thrive.

The wicked are not according to a fundamentalist interpretation. I think it means people who are fragmented and are on a bad voyage. Who would go up to a person that is drunk, and ask for advice? Certainly not I. That persons logic will be hampered by his own negative bias. I could never rely on an answer from someone whose very brain chemistry is being changed. That is just one example.

Do we never help those type of people? Heaven forbid it, we should help whenever we can. But avoid helping those who don't want to be helped. You will only end up frustrated in your efforts.

Happy is the person who doesn't follow the advice of fragmented people. They are not centered and so they are an unreliable source. Who would allow a thief to talk them into going into a bank with them and rob it?


The painting is around three feet wide. I used acrylic paint for the work. I used yellow to represent the sun. It is Leo's "planet." I think the project took around  fifteen hours.

I've been noticing on zaadz, that some of the "bra burners," are real quick to accuse those involved with administrative duties. I'm not speaking of just women here, Sometimes men are the most obnoxious about this.

Some years back I was involved with an irc chat room. We who had chosen to keep the chat room safe. were under continuous atack and scrutiny. Someone was always busy involved with conspiracy theories. When in fact we were only interested in keeping it a safe place for all.

It seems that no matter the position. Those in power are always accused of being the Illuminati. If you are wondering what spawned this thread. click on the trust system link at the top of the page. there is a lot of paranoia and accusations. One would do better to ask if something is their intention, rather than accusing them. In some of the main religions, the accuser, is an instrument of evil. This type of activity seems like a lynch mob in the school yard at times.

I do have to say this. Even after all the mean spirited posts against some of the administrative people. Those individuals have been respectful in their responses. I am very impressed with the lack of hostility from the administrative aspects. I am equelly unimpressed with some of the posters who accuse zaadz of being draconian or totalitarian. Accusations that are very much unfounded. If it was true, those in disagreement would have had their accounts cancelled and banned from the site. then their posts would have been cencored and removed.

Another thing that frustrates me about all of this hoopla. I don't see how giving users a merit system is draconian. No totalitarian regime would allow its members to rate each other. If you look on YouTube.com, There are star ratings for folk to rate the videos. I'm not so sure that this seeds thing is much different from that.

I initially had huge trepadations about the seeds thing. I do however remember over a year ago that a pod discussed the seeds. it wasn't something that they just went ahead and did. I think the sole desire of admin was to implement greater user participation. My fear with the seeds. is the tremendous potential to abuse the "trust" system. An atheist (I say again, they are just as valid) could get an annie galord bug and judge me bad seed. Those are just my fears, probably not reality.

I think debate and discussion are healthy and important. But when that debate slips into bullies in the schoolyard mentality. That has no positive outcome, all it does is further implement divisions. Something we claim on zaadz to be above.

To get hung up on terminology, the problem is with you, not the poster. It is according to perceptions and core values. Not all core values should go unchallenged. Sometimes our inner philosophies need to expand. rather than shout foul.

I had to write this, because I'm not going to go back to that thread. It has spiraled into a feeding frenzy. I don't see much positive coming from it. hmm maybe the thread should be labeled a bad seed?

It is my sincere hope to be helpful in the LGBT communities. I see a lot of fragmentation. Much of this is learned in the formulative years. We are taught that our lifestyle is a choice rather than an actual heartbeat. Family, Peers and Society as a whole are not very supportive of Lesbians, Gay's, Bi-Sexual and Transgenders. This can leave individuals fairly devestated and cold.

It effects everything we do. To pretend that it doesn't is part of the fragmentations. I find it odd that at the center of gay activity. Generally there is a bar. At least in my part of the world. It is a huge part of our culture. Where I live drinking is encouraged and awarded among both the Heterosexual and Homosexuals. Often if you tell a friend you hurt yourself by drinking to much. You are told "that a boy!" sad....

The hard line principle keepers of religion and organizations often destroy people of any sexuality. They do their best to keep you under their absolute authority. This is a dangerous path to take. To decide what is good and right for all people? Only G-d can do that! What I mean by that is only Spirit is cabable of knowing what is good in all people.

I hope to help undue many of the core values. The ones in particular that leave the believer powerless and full of shame. This is not a divine invention, it is caused by man.  Yes one should feel remorseful for mistakes. But then do their best to move on and try to correct the issue rather than ignore problems. Notice I said mistakes, not sexuality. Huge difference.

There are still many parts of the world, including the United States. Where the rights of LGBT peoples have much to be desired. It is wrong to discriminate against a person purely based upon religious bias. To many times a portion of "scripture" is misquoted to support their claim. I hope that I am able to perform the duties of such a role. Bringing peace to a soul who has been convinced that they are evil.

Am I saying that all LGBT people are fragmented? of course not, that would be a  silly position to take. It would be almost as rediculous as some of the dogma that fundamentalists place on people. Spirit gave us all the ability to reason for ourselves what is good and bad. not for passing on responsibility. But for obtaining it and owning up to it.

There are far to many divisions in this world. To many us against thems. Here in my home state, we were the only ones without a budget! why? because to many factions wanted their way. rather than realizing that politics is good for all. not for specific groups or party lines. I hope to narrow some of those mishaps, the ones that leave people powerless.

I am in a group once a week at my local Veteran's Hospital. It is called Mood Management Group. I enjoy it for the most part. Not so much when others in group are avoiding their issues... But wish to focus on mine, I've noted the speculative second guessing is wrong.

Why do people do that? make an accusation rather than pose it as a question? Instead of saying "you dwell on the negative to much," why not ask "do you feel like you dwell on the negative most of the time?

I've gone over my songs a hundred times. I've learned that when people only see a negative message in them. They generally are in a negative space themselves. So the world around them is seen as negative.

I think now that I have had a chance to think about it some. I will be able to present it properly and with respect. rather than shooting from the hip and blasting him. I suspect a whole lot of flame wars on the Internet would disappear if people just waited a little while, then reread what they are interpreting. Then wait some more... and respond. Reflection is a lot more sane than screaming foul at someone. People are not always out to hurt others. But then again there are some who abuse others with subtlety.  so find the balance in all of that is all I'm saying.

I think a lot of that is human nature. to be primal in the communication skills. Everything is just words for the most part. If someone is physically hurting you, well you know its time to move on. I tend to allow one or two digs. generally after the third one I will have had enough time to dwell and meditate on the issue. then I let that person know how I've been feeling. Sometimes my position changes as I am speaking to them. because I recognize the ridiculousness of "core values."

The group has a three part focus, which I dig. How you are, meaning your mood. What coping skills you used to deal with your moods. What was the final outcome of the situation. At times our individual core values are challenged by others. At other times there can seem like some borderline abuse taking shape. But for the most part, the facilitator keeps it on course. The facilitator is actual veteran's hospital mental health staff. So if needed a person can be redirected for further help.

I enjoy this group a lot. I have been in other support groups. Some of them were just bitch sessions rather than hope. Yeah it is one thing to complain about an issue. It is quite another to look for a better solution to the problem. I am very grateful that I am able to be in a safe place and share what I am feeling at that moment.

I am so happy right now, I have been having technical difficulties recording video all year. I think I have finally resolved the problems. The following is from an open mic local to where I live. It was a difficult crowd to play. There were only a handful of performers, leaving the audience to be slim too.

I am not sure why but the video isn't working/loading. here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=1053554C1FF99432

Comments and friend requests are encouraged!

Recently I played a song of mine for the second time in a two week period. I tend to use the Open Mic for my fine tuning. It is my opportunity to see how a piece works in front of an audience. The song is called Peace Be Still. There were not very many in attendance, so the audience was very small.

At the conclusion of the night, A woman made it a point to tell me something. She said she was sorry for not sticking around but can't deal with songs about G*d. I didn't know how to take that. My gut reaction was to let her have it. She has a history of interrupting others performances. Instead I filed it away in the back of my brain for review and reflection. One thing that makes me reluctant is she is severely mentally ill. I would rather not hurt, what I don't have the tools or skills to rebuild. I know there isn't enough patience in me to do that.

What strikes me funny, she can stand up there and talk about channeling. But since my twist on spiritual things is not new age. she disregards its validity. It is just as dangerous as Christian, Jewish or Muslim fundamentalists. It is saying that only her path is valid, others not so much. But yet she can stand up there before performances declaring world peace. Strange phenomenon indeed.

I began to realize that that is a big problem. At least in the United States, there is an imprinting. Even if you deny it. It is still there. We come from Puritan roots. It was those "founding fathers" that imprinted our psyche as a nation for a long time. If we didn't like what someone else believed. That culture (native Americans) was stomped on and compressed.

I fear the world going into a modern version of the Spanish inquisition. Spiritualists claiming that religious peoples and institutions are not valid. I decided that I would take note of the possibility of offending people, before playing that song in secular venues. I also recognize that is a song about my own experiences. No person can take that away from me. So at times if I feel it. I am going to go ahead and play it.  If it seriously offends people, I'm thinking the problem is within them. Not  with anything to do about the song itself.

Funny how stubborn we can become. So childish in our demands that others listen to us. Life is about reciprocation. Community is the result of communication. If we all went through life mute. Then there would never be a sense of community. At least that is the way I see it.

It has been a long time coming. Spirit willing, I will be playing three songs for two services on Sunday December 2nd. I have been rehearsing daily. This is a normal behavior for me. I generally rehearse up to two and three times a day.

Some time ago, I told myself I wouldn't flinch when approached. I just put it in the Spirit's hands. I had no anxiety about playing or anticipation. I knew it wouldn't be long before I was to be called on. I decided that when asked, I would accept any dates. That way when presented with a date. I wouldn't become nervous or apprehensive. I was asked if December 2nd was to soon if I could be ready. I said I would be ready. I had come to a conclusion in meditation that one never is ready, and yet they are always prepared. Especially since I rehearse my songs daily.

I wasn't sure yesterday, but now I am fairly certain which songs i'm doing. "Peace be still", is an original song. I'm currently working on a cover by the McKamey's "G*d on the mountain." Another cover I am working on is "Glory Glory" recorded by the Byrds. At first I thought I would do some vocals without instruments. But since It is my first time, I'm going to work with what is comfortable.

It is such an honor and privilege to play for services. This has been a huge step for me. I have physical limitations. I have been on a recovery path with my mental health too. A year ago today I was a stuttering wreck. The nightmares are becoming less frequent. I still wake up in the middle of the night. Just not every hour like I use to. Besides myself, Spirit is all I have to rely on.

Finally I will be doing what I am called to do. It is an honor to serve in music.

Food consumption is another thing that is way overboard in our culture. Obesity is becoming the number one killer. Growing up you saw one out of ten overly overweight person. Now days you see two out of ten that are thin. When we consume all that food, we are taking more than what we need. Someone has to pay another person to plant the food. Many resources are waisted from fuel costs to environment. The lands are strained, because of industrial farms. Processed foods have been the trend for some time now. Growing up we had a very large garden and grew our foods organically. Today most food that you get at the grocery stores have been sprayed with some type of pesticides or chemicals. I wonder when we will start seeing illness that is linked to the so called "tobacco pesticide" it is used on food crops. It has been suggested as one of the causes of colony collapse among bee hives. Next year since I live in an apartment, I am going to try and grow my own crops in garbage cans for urban jungle relief. It is getting to be to expensive to purchase food because of fuel costs alone!

In October of 2007, I  made further cuts in my life. I learned that Rupert Murdoch owned MySpace.com. I deleted my profile on that particular site. In addition to this I no longer will read publications owned by him. I have also deleted fox air channel from my television set. This hurt a lot because I enjoy the Simpsons much. A friend of mine told me that Simpsons had a contract with fox that they can't be censored. I'm not so sure about that. In any case the station is still owned by this man. I cannot sit idle and watch this man gobble up freedom of speech.

Environmentally I don't need the latest fashion trend. nor do I own a big screen t.v., I find it a lot easier when the world is simple. Right now my Television is a "curb score." Someone threw it out as trash. Yeah it has some lines going across the picture. But it is functional. Currently I am able to keep my bills manageable. I have a lot of debt from things over the last decade. I am working on getting rid of my immediate debt. Then I can pay off the larger debt and live without worry. I can't spend more than my resources allow. My greatest debt is a car accident I was in, prior to that, I didn't understand the importance of it. Now that I have a 22k debt from an accident I didn't cause. I know better, and until I start making payments on it. My driving privileges have been revoked. Then on top of that I have another 10k debt that was the result of an overpriced college that I attended. Sometimes the most expensive is not the best. Herzing definitely fits that bill. You would do a lot better at M.A.T.C. or University. I do owe on some smaller debt that I am trying to get rid of, it totals around 2k. When that smaller amount is gone, I can move onto the bigger debts.

When I am doing my music. I do my best to keep things minimal. I find that if you try to hard at it. It won't fit the groove you are trying to create. So I've done my best to keep things simple and free flowing. This has worked a lot for me. I've done the front man in a big band thing before. It can be a cacophony of noise rather than a melding of souls.

I hear a lot of folk complaining about everyone else. Saying things like "were doomed," because of Global Warming. Yes I think it is a very real problem. But the answer lies within. Not what everyone else is doing. But what are we doing to stop environmental disaster? As a Gay Man I never understood why Marlboro Lights, were the favored cigarette. Money from every pack goes into anti gay agendas. Boycotting a product sometimes is the only answer to the problems. If everyone stopped shopping at wal-mart or toysrus, then toxic toys in the states would fade away. recently I went through my home and removed every item that had "made in china" stamped on it. We have got to stop supporting the major contributers of bad environmental standards. I do my shopping exclusively from "mom and pop" shops. I avoid the big box stores, they rarely are the great deal, they pretend to be.

I am looking at buying a sewing machine soon too. I wish to make my own clothes, rather than purchase something that was made in another country. A friend of mine once said that when I don't have something that I tend to build it. He was fairly accurate there, I don't like spending all that money on things I don't need. If I can make something myself, then that is what I plan on doing. Generally when I build for myself. It is cheaper and stronger than something store purchased.

If we all did our part, only taking what we need....

So often our perceptions can be very wrong and off the mark. I give you my poor eyesight as an example. Just recently I had my scripts for new glasses filled. But I still don't see things very clearly. I was in dialog with Lisha on zaadz. I thought her profile picture was a androgynous being sitting in the lotus position. It couldn't have been further from the truth. I was looking right at this picture. But somehow I only saw what I thought was there. Upon closer inspection I discovered it was a picture of wonder woman, with her arms up in defensive position. Crazy how our mind can play tricks on us at times.

Which leads me into Core Values and interpretations or perceptions. On one of the pods there was a discussion on how you handle disagreements. I think the number one cause for alarm is. Do we engage someone to point out the error of their ways? Who made our own core values more superior than the next persons? I cannot accept that we are right and they are wrong. I think it is more along the lines of actions that make the true value of a being. Words are merely a mirage of what reality truly is. Language is a complex beast that has two heads. She can never go anywhere unless both sides are in agreement. otherwise one going one way and another going another stops her right in place. This is what I refer to as static core values. I am this way or that and You can't change me! Rigid thinking often is the result of a conflict. This is merely my own observation mind you.

I think there is a positive way and a negative way to stress the importance of disagreements. We all can raise the bar in our own little world. But try and fix another person. No thank you, I have no interest in having disciples. I'm often amazed at how people have to add their two cents in areas that have nothing to do with the actual course of the event. I find it odd when I present an issue, and someone wants to critique rather than help.

Recently I have had the dilemma of wishing to change my name legally. There are a number of reasons for this. All of them lead to the same answer. For my personal safety, I wish to change my name. Rather than helping me with the presented equation. Which was that I wish to change my surname. People started saying I was bandaging the real issues. I considered that to be offensive. None of them knew what I had been doing for quite some time. But yet wanted to discuss my mental health and family issues. I've had around thirty years to mediate on this issue. I feel its time for the change. The question had nothing to do with my family. Simply put, it was that I wished to change my name. That was lost and I found myself having to explain myself. In retrospect, I don't think that was a very fair assumption on others part. Their core values decided to offer advice in an area, that I don't need advice in. I am seeking professional help in those areas. it is kind of like the neighborhood person who diagnoses everyone's cold. but has no license to practice medicine.

I seek out advice appropriate to the venue I am operating in. If my body hurts, I go to my NP. When my mind hurts I go to mental health professionals. When my soul is in turmoil I go to religious leaders. I could never rely on lay-mens ideas about these issues. That would be a very dangerous path for anyone to take. Please don't get upset with me. Understand that I was asking for specific ideas about a name. not how my mental health was. that is the frustration. someone's core value had to question my own core values. neither is right, nor wrong. Sometimes it is best not to challenge those beliefs.

I'm not saying that those responders to  my post methods were wrong either. I can't stress that enough. language and interpretation of that language is difficult in person. Even more so in an electronic forum.

Another example, I was playing a song for a friend of mine. He immediately started critiquing the song. I didn't need his advice, I already knew what he was speaking about. The song was only two weeks old and still in its evolution process. I hadn't asked him for his advice, I was just excited to play something that I was going to be playing on December 2nd. I love this friend dearly, but he tends to meddle with others lives, in areas that no one asked for. Then he gets mad because he waisted his time. I myself use to do this a lot, I've done my best to avoid this nasty trap. Not everyone needs to be fixed. We all have tremendous potential within us to overcome and endure anything that happens to us. What we do with it, that is another thing entirely.

I'm not so sure about challenging another's core values. Unless they are about to inflict great harm on another, or on if they are about to hurt themselves. Let them grow at their own pace. I have a friend in the neighborhood who drinks excessively on a daily basis. I've mentioned to him on more than one occasion that he is getting to old for such behaviors. That is all I can do, plant the seed. I can't change his actions, he will continue to destroy his liver of his own free will. I wish I could shake him. But he has to learn that for himself. Last June I quite Cigarettes. It was a most difficult task to master. But in the end only I could overcome the habit. I knew it was bad for me all along. I just chose to do it anyway. That is where the danger is, in fooling the self. Like I said before, No one can show another that answer. Change comes from within.

Peace and Blessings
Red Dragon

I posted this in another networking site. But put the wrong date, it is actually December 2nd. This will be a large crowd. I haven't done this level of public address in a very long time. There are two services on Sunday mornings. I'll be doing two songs in the early service. and three songs in the late morning service. This is a big deal for me. To be able to play from my soul without pretending to be someone else. It is a powerful thing. I suffer from P.T.S.D. so for me to get up there is to face some rather large demons. It wasn't that long ago that just attending services was frightening.

I am so grateful that today a year after being in a really dark space. I am finally reaching for my true self and becoming what was intended of me from the beginning. Tonight and tomorrow I am attending a Church orientation with senior minister. He is an awesome man, so compassionate and non judgmental. I can only hope to be a sliver of that holiness.

I will be doing an original piece called "peace be still," and two covers that are old spirituals. One was recorded by the McKamey's "G-d on the mountain." Another is Glory, Glory, a version of this was done by the Byrds. I transposed both covers to fit my key and strumming style on guitar.

What a crazy web we weave. A year ago I was at my whit's end, ready to cash my chips in once and for all. But Spirit wouldn't allow that. I was led/directed to psych ward at veteran's hospital. I really didn't wan't to live anymore. I was tired of hurting every day, tired of being lied to by my partner. tired of being mentally and physically assaulted by him too. So I collapsed with exhaustion after a three day stay in county jail. with no clothes and in a dirty cell. I lost my mind, I was severely defeated and a broken man. I broke down crying about every twenty minutes for much of the last year. Only recently has it gotten better, I still cry. Just not all the time.

Today I can tell you that I am here because of that relationship with my higher power. This sunday I will be celebrating my own holiness, my own virtue, my own G-d. What an honor to serve and be blessed at the same time. To truly be one with everything that is suppose to be at that precise location. Without being fragmented, in a very direct and centered place. Spirit working on me and through me to the congregation. Wow what a blessing!

There is a little known criminal behavior that has been added to the telecommunications act. It's design is meant to protect the Internet user from anonymous harassment via the Internet. I feel that this is an important law. The writer of this document was the target of harassment by a thief and criminal. This individual received Ten years in Wisconsin prisons. There was a stipulation that he could not contact any of his victims. He had another ten years added to his time. The person who I speak of had threatened my life with fire. I took this very seriously. I am glad that this became Federal Law in January of 2006. Today one can receive up to two years in prison for this crime.

This Law is a good thing, it protects the rights of individuals. It is my own personal practice to never mention anyones legal name on the Internet. When I write a blog entry, I make sure that they can't point fingers at me. I leave the statements to generalizations rather than specific names. I find this to be an appropriate measure of self maintenance. Part of the reason why I won't mention names. I don't believe in speaking against an individual. If I write I am speaking about the incident and how I coped with the situation. This is a way for me to overcome mental exhaustion in tough times. I write about the events, not the individuals. This is key to my own mental health.

Opponents to it want to claim that it is a violation of free speech. Yes freedom of speech is important. However if the design and intent of that free speech is to harass another person with malicious motivations. That no longer is freedom of speech. One should always be careful of slander and Character assassination. The lines get blurred by many an individual. I have noticed on web sites blatant illegal activities. No one has the right to threaten or cyber bully another person into submission. This is abuse, not freedom of speech. I was visiting the forums on craigslist.org for a short while. There was often very inflammatory anonymous postings by individuals who think they are safe from legal issues. This is not the case. You can be fined and imprisoned for such passive aggressive actions. A couple of months ago, I was harassed in a chat room. Had I known at the time about this Law. I would have gone after the individual. I am fairly certain that it was an former lover. I can tell you that my tolerance of being harassed just became active. In the past I just put him on ignore. In the future I will seek out ways to bind the hands of my accuser permanently. The funny thing about this law. Apparently if you tell that person who you are, it no longer is criminal action. My suspicion at that point is you can file restraining orders against the individual. An abusive personality desires to never give up that control over another. They will do everything possible to slander and demean an individual. These cowards have used the Internet long enough to attack people. This Law is a good thing.

I myself plan on using this law to my benefit. Should the need arise and someone decides to harass me. Always remember no matter what you do on the Internet. There is a permanent record. You leave an electronic footprint everywhere you go. You may fool yourself into thinking your a technology guru and have hidden your identity. There have been many Internet virus terrorists who were arrested in a matter of days. Think about it, is your future really worth going out of your way to demean a person.

Today I was reminded how easy it is to leave out the brush-strokes in mental pictures. Yes my ideas and thoughts are paintings of what I dream about. But the thing to remember is my opinions may not include the entire scope. I appreciate zaadz for that. I am able to look in on other peoples thoughts and concepts and decide if it is good for me.

Today I popped onto Adam's biog. In it he has an entry that speaks about Voting Issues. This has been a very near and dear topic to me for years. I have always been rigid in thinking that ALL Americans should vote. In his document, He mentions things I never even considered.

One is that there is a percentage of American's. Whose religious doctrine forbids them from voting. This may seem to be Anti Government. Truth be told, it is a true and accurate demonstration of democracy. Either we have a free choice of religion and the right to abstain from voting. I would think that forcing everyone to vote would turn us into a draconian nation. The very thing we claim to be against. Another aspect mentioned by Adam. Was that if Everyone was forced to vote. Then some would be going against their conscious and may vote for people out of spite or a lie. Spite being to skew the turnout. A lie in casting a vote for someone you don't agree with.

My whole point of all of this is rigid thinking. I use to get very upset at voter turnout being low. It frustrated me that there are people who don't vote. I even considered that you loose your citizenship for the term of the election. This fellow zaadzter opened my eyes to another way of thinking. I have discussed this issue at great lengths with friends and colleagues in real time. Not one of them made the points that I just read on Zaadz.