Reaching beyond the inner child

Today I did something rather rare. I asked for help. I have been attending a local Interfaith Church located in my home city. I gave the Senior Minister my phone number, and asked him to call me. We have met before when I was in crisis. He called me last Monday to say that his schedule had finally freed up some. So I told him I had Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday fairly open. We agreed to meet on Wednesday morning.

I had been a solitary for many years. Some time ago I was involved with an extreme fundamentalist church. Some of the doctrines were very dangerous. I've spent many years digging and in study. I have felt the call for many years to ministry. I have always known that I wouldn't have a congregation. I see myself more of a inspirational minister. Using the Music as my main vehicle for approach. I know I will be told to speak at times.

I had spoken with the Senior Minister and expressed these things to him. He was excited for me and want to help me get there. He will be turning my number over to the music director, and speaking to his wife about it. I was so surprised how accepting of me he was. It was a wonderful experience. I think for me what struck a chord. two weeks ago in service he had said "I haven't always agreed with everything my teachers tell me." I told him as much today. He was glad that that part had stuck, because he doesn't want everyone to take every word he says as "gospel."

I know that I won't be able to grow much more on my own accord. I have studied and learned the written words. From Baghavad Gita, Christian Bible, Tenakh, Koran, and many more. I want to know. One thread that is always there is be kind to one another. I am doing my part to avoid getting caught in the trap. I've had some painful experiences. That doesn't mean that they need to own me. I should own them.

When we began the discussion. I told him about being called. He told me he didn't doubt it. I explained that I couldn't attend the Churches School in another state. He didn't think that that was necessary. I have a physical disability that makes me dependent on others. I have help with shopping and cleaning. I also get rides to the hospital for my various treatments. So it is very impractical for me to go away to school. I am so grateful that this man of the spirit was receptive and confirming.

He told me it is amazing that I have six songs on guitar. I just started playing last November. I want to study some with the music director. Learn some of the tools of the trade. I played my song "Standing in front of 32 mirrors." He was very pleased and looked forward to the day I was playing it in service.


The song is about me first to my lover, then to myself, then to the Spirit.